An Unexpected Gift From My Biopsy

Last month, a radiologist found some calcifications in my left breast during my annual mammogram. She ordered a biopsy and informed me that 70% of the time the results are benign (not cancerous). While the stats were in my favor, I couldn’t help thinking about the other 30%… and with that, I received an unexpected gift.  

Before I go further, let me tell you the results came back benign. I don’t have breast cancer. But what I experienced in that taxing limbo time between hearing about the need for the biopsy and waiting for the results, reminded me of a few important life lessons which I’d like to share with you so you can be a more impactful leader at work and with your family.

#1 Being reminded of our mortality is a huge motivator to live in and appreciate the present.

When I was in high school, I read a quote about living each day as if it were your last. For some reason, that quote really spoke to me back then, and I leaned into it to justify my partying ways and adventurous spirit. I probably didn’t need all the late nights turned into early mornings or the grease-consuming hangovers, but the appreciation of the gift of life has served me well.

Learning that there was a chance I could have cancer or, dare I say it, die sooner than I expected, kept that quote front of mind, as if it was a flashing casino light that followed me around like my shadow.

When we know our time is limited, we spend our time and energy on what really matters to us and brings us joy. It’s easier for us to let go of the shoulds and expectations of others and the caring about what people think of us. Instead, we stay in the present moment and experience the simple magic of every day that often gets lost in the busyness of our lives.

While I was waiting for my results to come back, for example, I noticed the animations of my boys’ faces when they told me a story. I relished the juicy sweetness of summer peaches. I appreciated the diversity of color in the plants and flowers in our yard. These are things I sometimes pay attention to, but the uncertainty of my future and how many more times I’d get to experience these things amped up my gratefulness and savoring of the present moment.

#2 Do a regular audit of your life to assess where changes need to be made.

Faced with the chance that my days were limited, I immediately did an audit of my life:

   ❔ Was I happy?
   ❔ Was I spending time on what mattered?
   ❔ Were my relationships fulfilling?
   ❔ Was I living out my purpose?
   ❔ Was my work meaningful?
   ❔ Was I checking off my bucket list and accomplishing my goals?

These are questions I ask my clients regularly and that I journal on monthly and yearly to ensure I am living an intentional life of my creation vs. reacting to life or living passively on autopilot. But waiting for my biopsy results pushed these questions into higher priority.

Thankfully, I was happy with what I found. I felt I was living a meaningful, joyful life I love and was spending time, energy, and money on what matters to me. Two areas of improvement that came from my assessment: 1) I need to focus my business’ efforts more so we are able to achieve more impact, and 2) I need to get my first book published asap. (It’s been a journey, and is moving forward, but, geez, what a longer-than-expected undertaking it’s been!)

#3 Practice mindfulness. Your power, wisdom, and peace are in the present.

When I caught my mind drifting to the 30% outcome I didn’t want, and what my life might look like if that result came back, I immediately said to myself, “ERASE!” I was not going to spend any time on worry or things out of my control. “ERASE” was my reminder to come back to the present and stay within my sphere of influence, rather than get sucked into self-made stories and concerns that may never come to be. How much of our precious life is wasted worrying about things that never happen?

Every time I told myself “ERASE!”, I zeroed back in on the present moment and asked myself, “What is the neutral reality of my life right now (vs. the story I am creating in my head)?” and, “What action can I take right now in the present moment to align with my aspirational self?” Often times, the answer was simply to turn my attention back to my work, my family, or my self-care.

#4 Your limiting beliefs and unproductive emotional patterns will resurface in times of stress, no matter how much emotional intelligence and personal growth work you’ve done.

When I found out I had to have a biopsy, I decided not to tell anyone except my husband. I didn’t want to tell my parents because I knew they would worry and I didn’t want them to worry unless there was something they actually had to worry about. (So they are just hearing about my experience right now as they read this – sorry, Mom and Dad.)

While I was able to justify not sharing this news with anyone else, it allowed me to slip back into my core false belief developed in my childhood, that I am alone and unwanted. When I live and lead from this lie, I strap on independence to an unhealthy extreme. It often looks like not asking for help, feeling like I have to do everything myself to the point of resentment, and good-girl perfectionism.

After living through it, I realized that not sharing the biopsy with my family or close friends – even though I didn’t want anyone else to have to worry unless there was something officially to worry about – was too much for me to carry by myself. My husband was fantastic through it all, but we need more than just our partner to thrive through life. While trying to stay positive and process the fear of the results mostly myself, I created extra anxiety in my life. I woke in the middle of the night not able to fall back to sleep. I was tense in my body. And I was distant with my family, no matter how hard I tried to stay present.

The learning from this for me (and I hope for you, too!) is that our limiting beliefs and patterns never fully go away. Our job, then, is to recognize when they surface, and, instead, take conscious action in a direction that serves and empowers us. This takes practice, and it’s the type of habit-forming muscle memory work I support my clients through.

#5 The same things you complain about are blessings to other people.

Finally, in waiting-for-results limbo land, I started regretting all the comments I had made about my breasts over the years. I often joked about their small size, wished they were bigger, and was annoyed about how they looked in certain outfits. Faced with the small chance that my left breast would have to be removed, I developed a new love and respect for my breasts.

As the 1980’s metal band Cinderella sang in the 80s, “You don’t know what you got, till it’s gone.” I felt remorse once I realized the exact thing I had complained and joked about so flippantly, was something other women who had removed their breasts due to cancer dreamed about and prayed for.

How could things in your life that you complain about be seen as blessings to others?

Live each day to the fullest.

Lots of love,
💜 Your coach,
Sara