How To Express Yourself At Work Without Being “Too Emotional”

posted on : December 27, 2024

“How do you express your feelings and not be taken as emotional/rude in the workplace?”

👆A question I get often after my keynotes, so I want to share some tips with you.

Hint ➡️ You can also use these with your family this holiday season. 🎄

First, recognize that we’ll be considered emotional if we don’t manage our emotions well and they end up coming out sideways in the form of a blowup at a co-worker, crying in a meeting, shutting down in silence, or stress that leads to unnecessary mistakes.

Second, label your feeling to yourself then decide what data it has for you and what action you need to take.

For example:

Label: “Right now I feel angry.”

Data: Someone crossed my boundary.

Action: I need to reestablish the boundary and how I will respond to it if its crossed again.

Third, consider NVC (non-violent communication) or another communication framework to express yourself.

Non-violent communication is:
When X, I felt Y, what I need is Z.

For example:
“When you showed up 10 minutes late to our meeting, I felt disrespected. Can we plan to start our next meeting right on time?”

Non-Violent Communication + a Boundary looks like:
When X, I felt Y, what I need is Z. If Z does not happen, then I will ABC

For example:
“When you showed up 10 minutes late to our meeting, I felt disrespected and was then late to my next meeting. Please be on time for our next meeting. If you show up late, I will reschedule for a different date.”

SBI Communication Model is:
Situation, Behavior, Impact

For example:
“This morning, when you showed up late to our meeting, I felt disrespected and then was late for all subsequent meetings throughout the day.”

Fourth, use “I statements.”

Like “I feel angry.”

Not: “You make me angry!”

Remembering these 4 points will allow you to manage your emotions and use them to increase productivity at work and home without being perceived as emotional or rude.