How To Stop Being A People Pleaser

Most of us humans are people pleasers and worry too much about what other people think of us. One of the main reasons for this is that we are a tribal species. In the earliest days of our species, our tribe (especially the alpha, or leader) had to like and accept us so we could maintain our place in the tribe, which meant food, safety, and survival.

If someone, especially the alpha, didn’t like us and we got kicked out of the tribe, that meant certain death. Those first humans that pleased and were liked stayed in the tribe and lived, thus our brain reinforced this behavior.

While technology has evolved drastically since the beginning of our species, the human brain has not changed much. So, don’t beat yourself up about being a pleaser.

Also, understand the Law of Averages in Social Groups:

For every 10 people:

• 1 will like you 👤
• 2 will dislike you 👥
• 7 are neutral towards you 🗣️

Too many of us focus on the 9 people that don’t matter. We try to get them to change and like us more, but they likely won’t change. It’s not a positive ROI. Instead, focus on the people that do like, connect, and align with you.

Wouldn’t it be more productive to nurture and expand those relationships, instead of focusing all of your energy on the folks that either dislike you or could care less if you’re around or not?

I’ve learned that I find my joy when I connect with people on a regular basis who enjoy connecting with me. I have to remind myself of this all the time: That I am not for everyone. Neither are you. And that is OK. It’s okay if you’re not the most popular person in every setting you find yourself in. It’s better to have a few close and tight-knit bonds with the people in your life who lift you up than to have dozens of one-serving “friends.”

Quality over quantity is important in many aspects of life, especially when it comes to personal relationships.

Did you know that people with strong social ties have a 50% better chance of survival? Yes, it’s true, based on a meta-study covering more than 300,000 participants across all ages who were followed for an average of 7.5 years. How cool is that?

What relationships in your life, whether old or new, could you spend more time pouring attention and love into this year? Strong human bonds not only help us to have healthy lives in the present but also help us to live longer. That’s definitely something to think about.

While we can’t make everyone in our life happy all of the time, we CAN focus on living our lives in an authentic way by being true to ourselves on a daily basis. This will help us trust ourselves, and make it more likely for others to trust us too. Healthy relationships are built on mutual love, respect, and trust.

Here’s to a year filled with building strong bonds with others as well as with ourselves!

#HaveItAll

Your Coach,

💜 Sara