How To Turn Off The Thoughts That Hold You Back

My husband and I attended a retreat with Eckhart Tolle last month. Eckhart has been one of the biggest influencers of my personal growth and his teachings on consciousness, coupled with western psychology, are the foundation of the conscious parenting coaching that I guide my mom and dad clients through.

Eckhart is a quiet German man who talks in just one key about very deep subjects, so I’ll admit, it was hard to stay alert and follow all his trainings. But when I am able to understand and implement what he teaches, it has a profound effect on how I lead and parent.

One of Eckhart’s main teachings is that we are not our thoughts; instead, we are the observer of our thoughts. We are the conscious being that is witnessing the thought, which means we do not need to act on our thoughts or let them identify us.

Most of our thoughts are conditioned. They were placed in our mind by culture and our childhood experiences. Maybe we believe we are not good enough, or that we’re unlovable, or that we’re alone. These thoughts are false, but because we have been believing them since as long as we can remember, we think they’re the truth.

The thoughts in our heads can be pretty nasty at times —to ourselves, to others, even to the people we love most. We think a hurtful thought and either act on it which causes us and others pain, or we think, “Wow, I am not a good person,” and a cycle of shame and guilt wraps around us as we move throughout our day.

BUT, we can learn and begin to remember that we are the conscious observer of our thoughts, not the actual thought itself.

Let me give you some examples, because I know this concept can be hard to grasp.

✏️ Just today when I sat down to write this blog, my thoughts said, “Ugh, another item on my to-do list. I’m not inspired right now. No one really reads my emails anyway. Maybe I’ll skip it this week…”

But by being the observer of my thoughts, rather than giving in to them and letting them dictate my actions, I recognized that they were feelings of resistance.

Resistance is common. It comes from our primitive (or reptilian) brain. The primitive part of my brain knew that writing this blog would require mental energy. Since its job is to conserve energy to stay on the lookout for danger, my primitive brain would rather I do something easier, like get a snack or check social media yet again.

So my best, greatest self witnessed those thoughts as just what they were: thoughts, not the truth. By separating from the thoughts, I was able to connect back to the intention I have for my work and my life: To inspire, to help, to make an impact. None of that would happen if I gave into my thoughts and hopped on Facebook instead of writing this blog.

👨‍👨‍👧‍👧 We do this in our parenting, too, when our kids get up at 5am and interrupt our meditation and personal coffee time. The angry, frustrated thoughts start coming and if we let them run the show, we spend the rest of the day feeling resentful, snapping at our kids, and subconsciously punishing them for the early rise.

OR, we can observe our thoughts and feelings, let them move on, and be with our day from a clean slate. With a clean slate that’s not tarnished by past thoughts, joy, fun, and connection are possible.

Becoming the observer of our thoughts helps us recognize the patterns that play out in our lives, because, as many wise teachers have told me, “Wherever you go, there you are.”

What does this mean?

☯️ I’ll offer one more example of where this idea might play out in daily life: meditation. When you are sitting in meditation and you start to get uncomfortable or restless, what do your thoughts say? Do they tell you to stop, to run away, that you aren’t good enough and shouldn’t have even tried in the first place, that this is just how you are and you can never change?

Because whatever thoughts you have when you get uncomfortable in something like meditation are the same thoughts you have when you get uncomfortable at work, with your children, while making love to your spouse, or trying to maintain a habit that will help you achieve your goals and dreams.

When we move through our busy lives on autopilot or like a hamster running on its wheel, we don’t have the opportunity to witness how our thoughts are over and holding us hostage. But with stillness and the silence of meditation, we get to observe, witness, notice, and create new and better thoughts that support the kind of parent and leader we want to be.

Cheers to being the observer of your thoughts, and hitting your meditation cushion for a few minutes every morning. 

Lots of love,
💜 Your Coach,
Sara