Misconceptions About Acceptance & Why It Keeps Us Stuck

Acceptance is spoken of a lot – in the yoga community, in recovery programs, with any kind of healing work.

We soak in the Beatles’ song lyrics, “Let it be,” and hear from our spiritual teachers that acceptance is necessary in order for us to be happy.

But I’ve learned that a lot of people, myself included at one point, don’t truly understand what the practice of acceptance means.

Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation. It doesn’t mean giving in or backing down from your beliefs in order to keep the peace. It doesn’t mean being passive about your life, or saying, “There’s nothing I can do about it – that’s just the way I am… or he is…. or she behaves.”

Acceptance is not indulgence or letting others treat you poorly because it is what it is. It’s not about taking off your marching boots or activist work because you are accepting things the way they are.

Acceptance is the acknowledgement of what is and choosing not to deny, resist, or struggle against it. It’s knowing that this situation is happening to you now, and you must face it and choose how you want to respond. It’s understanding that all human beings are doing the best with what they’ve got and what they know (though this doesn’t mean it makes the other person right or wrong, it just is…) Acceptance is mindfulness.

Acceptance is also compassion. Compassion for what we see through our mindfulness. Compassion for ourselves as human beings who often have crazy thoughts and narratives running wild in our mind. Compassion for others in their same un-perfect human being-ness.

Acceptance is one of the first steps towards change.

This is where I see people getting it wrong. They say they are going to accept something and think it means they don’t have to change, or they don’t have to take action. This is false. Acceptance leads to positive change.

Here’s how change happens:

First, we must have awareness. Awareness of what’s happening. Awareness of how our past is showing up in the present and causing us to behave in ways that don’t serve us. Awareness of something not seeming in alignment with who we are or not sitting well in our stomach. We must first become aware.

Then, when we are aware, we must fully accept whatever it is for what it is. Only then, can we move into mindful response and determine how we want to move forward.

If we fight against the situation or person, we stay stuck in fighting or victim mode. When we accept, we get to move on.

From there, we have three options:

One, we change. We can change ourselves, facets of the situation, or the other person. (Changing the other person is the least successful route. We can have a conversation with him or her, suggest therapy or coaching, discuss ways to make things better, but as you know, the only person you can truly change is yourself. So start there!)

Two, we leave.

Three, we stay, but with a different perspective that only becomes possible from true acceptance of the way of life, the way of human beings, and the way towards peace.

Where are you using acceptance as an excuse to stay in a situation or with a pattern that doesn’t serve you?

Where are you fighting against what is, rather than accepting it and then moving into empowered action?

Where can you offer yourself and others more compassion, and remember that we are all human beings doing the best with what we’ve got?

Bring it.

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