Moving Through The 5 Stages Of Grief For Your Old Life + Why It’s Important

Had a good cry in the grocery store parking lot the other night. This 1st pic is from that moment. The 2nd pic is more recent. I’m still riding the roller coaster of the 5 stages of grief for my old life now that coronavirus social distancing has set in. Where are you at in your grieving process right now?

This is what the 5 stages of grief are looking like for me. It’s important you allow yourself to progress through these all too.

1. DENIAL:  

“This is going to be just fine. This opportunity to spend more time with the boys (who are growing up so fast) and slow down is just what this introvert needs. All this outdoor time is going to be fantastic!”

2. ANGER:

“My boys are so loud – are they always this loud? Why do people keep posting every single virus update on social media – enough already! Stay home people – ugh!! HUSBAND, THE NEW BREAD MUST GO IN THE FREEZER NOT THE FRIDGE!” [[When I don’t feel safe, my defense mechanism is to control. Can you see it?!?]]

3. BARGAINING: 

“Maybe it’s not as bad as all the data I’ve seen. Maybe having a small play date would be ok. I’ll just run an errand and go shopping so time will pass. Maybe its ok to put the kids in front of the TV all day so I can get work done. Sure, having another glass of wine and 3 more cookies to get through this will make me feel better.”

4. DEPRESSION: 

“I’m pressing snooze – there’s no reason to get out of bed early this morning. More random tears in the grocery store parking lot or the middle of dinner: I feel the pain of those who have lost their jobs, those who are not able to visit their parents in the nursing home, those who are stuck at home with someone they don’t know how to be in a loving relationship with, and those who are forced for the first time to slow down and listen to what’s going on in their heads and hearts, rather than stay busy and distract from it.”

“I cry for those who don’t have the tools I’ve gained through other life battle scars, those who don’t have faith, those who will lean on substances and other addictions to get by. I cry for missed events, small businesses, families separated, and the old ways we took for granted. I cry for those who said they’d start pursuing their dream or living their best life once X happens… and now yet something else has gotten in their way…”

“I cry for myself: My life is incredible, even in this crazy time, so why am I crying? I have no right to be sad. I shouldn’t be sad. Stop being sad, Sara! Ok, now I’m beating myself up for it, so I’m even sadder.”

5.  ACCEPTANCE:

“I am allowed to feel this all. I MUST feel this all. It’s healthy to feel this all, even though others seem to have it worse off than me. I will be ok. We will be ok. In fact, I think this experience is opening up a much-needed awakening and evolution across our planet!”

“This is life now. This is the new normal. What can I do right now in the present moment to respond to what is? What action can I take right now to care for myself and these deep feelings I’m experiencing? What action can I take right now to serve my clients and get my work done while also watching my boys and wrapping my head around home school? What is the most important, most loving action to take right now?”

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Grief is not always linear; we often move in and out of the different stages of grief. So be kind to yourself. Be kind to your family and everyone else who is also grieving their old lives. Most importantly, allow yourself to feel all your feelings. Don’t stuff them down. Don’t pretend you are strong and that everything is ok. If you do not allow yourself to feel each stage, you might get stuck in 1 of the first 4 stages. Instead move into the process to break THROUGH so it doesn’t have to be a break DOWN for you later.

**Writing down where I was in each stage of grief was cathartic for me. I suggest you do the same. **

If you find yourself still struggling and need to get grounded and work through how you are feeling right now, I’ve opened up some 1:1 private therapeutic life coaching sessions in my calendar. Contact me to schedule your session.

Sending you lots of love as you progress through your 5 stages of grief.

xo

Sara

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