One Easy Question For Deeper, More Supportive Relationships

“Oh my gosh, Mom, there’s the first star of the night!” my son shouted. “We have to make a wish! Close your eyes and make a wish.”

I did as he requested.

“Now,” he instructed, “we’ve got to tell each other what we wished for.”

He was three at the time, so he had wished for lots of superheroes, of course.

He was jumping with excitement as he told me his wish, and listened to mine. I thought, if this makes him so happy, I should regularly ask him about his wishes and dreams.

This encounter reminded of a conversation I had with my husband shortly after we had become a family of four.

With two young boys, two big jobs, and two big dogs, it felt like we would go an entire week without having a real conversation. Our exchanges centered around managing our family and house responsibilities. I was craving meaningful conversation and connection with him. Our task-oriented, surface-level talk was not contributing to our spousal relationship, the most important relationship in my life.

So I said to Mike one evening, “I’m curious, what are your goals? What are your dreams? I think it’s important for me to know. And I want to tell you mine.”

It was awkward for a moment. He gave me a weird look at first, and joked about getting back to our Netflix show. But then he shared some of his aspirations with me, and I shared mine. I got to understand him on a different, deeper level. Likewise, he now knew a little more about me.

We can get so busy and caught up in the day-to-day of our lives that this level of connection can be lost, but it’s so important. It adds another layer of support to our relationships.

For instance, a couple years ago when I told Mike I want to create a coaching business and launch a blog to help working moms discover joy and balance in their lives, he was completely supportive. Because we made it a point to regularly talk about our dreams and share our goals, he knew what was important to me and could easily get behind me.

My challenge for you is to identify the people most important in your life: Your children, your parents, good friends, people you work with, or those you lead. Ask them about their dreams, their goals, their wishes.

You may get some silly answers from your kids, especially if they’re younger, but the insight into their little hearts and minds is priceless. If you’re in a management role, it’s great to understand what your employees want, so that you can help them get there. In doing so, they’ll be more invested in working with and performing for you.

The beautiful thing about understanding the goals and dreams of the people important to us is that we can then support them, whatever that may look like. We can listen. We can offer guidance. We can stand behind them. We can believe in them and remind them that they CAN achieve whatever they set out to if they stay committed and in action. We can offer a shoulder to cry on or tough love when things get hard and they want to quit. We can dance in celebration with them as their dreams come true.

Make sure you know what your dreams are as well. Give yourself permission to dream BIG, like harry scary, out of this world, I am going to be on stage with Justin Timberlake one day kind of big.

Write your dreams down. Share them with those who love you and support you. Imagine what it looks and feels like living your dreams. All of these actions get you one step closer to making them come true.

Happy dreaming! Happy sharing! Happy making it come true!

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