Roxanne Wessman Profile: Commit To What’s Important, Lean On Your Family

Meet Roxanne Wessman, age 64. Through her life she’s held many roles: wife and single woman, stay-at-home mom and working mom, employee and business owner, and so much more, though most importantly, she’s my mom. While I’ve known Roxanne my whole life, our conversation for this profile shed light on experiences and wise insights I wasn’t privy to until now. From connecting to youth to the power of family to standing up for what’s important to you so you have no regrets, here are a few things I learned. Enjoy.

[Italicized words are Roxanne’s, edited slightly for functionality.]

Determine And Commit To What’s Important To You So You Have No Regrets.

We moved a lot for my ex-husband’s job so I wanted to make sure I could be a stay-at-home mom. I felt it was very important for my kids to have one person that was always there for them. We weren’t near family and I felt that one connection was important for them. This is the way I stood up for myself the most in my life.

The Most Important Thing Your Children Need From You Is Your Presence.

When I stayed home with my kids before they started school, we’d go swimming, spend the day at the beach, or I’d watch the three of them play and fight together. It takes so little to make kids happy. Just spending time with them is all they are ever looking for from you. You don’t have to spend money or do a major outing. Go on a picnic – it doesn’t need to be fancy. Kids are happy just being with you.

How Roxanne Made Life With Kids Easier:

• She kept her kids on a schedule. When a sitter came, there were no surprises for anyone. Regular naps and a set bedtime gave her a break to re-energize each day and important time with her husband.
• She made an effort to spend quality time with each child, when the others were sleeping or taken care of, so all kids got special attention from mom (rather than just the baby, who often required more.)
• She planned a week’s meals ahead of time, then grocery shopped for those meals on the weekend.
• Part of the nightly routine was a game of picking clothes out for the next day for the older children, so she didn’t have to think about it in the morning.
• Roxanne encourages moms to not put so much pressure on themselves to have a spotless, clean house. It’s more important to spend time with your kids, the cobwebs can wait, she says.

Don’t Underestimate The Power of Family And Prayer To Carry On After A Setback.

After my divorce I made a hard choice to move my kids and I back to Minnesota where my family lives. No matter how challenging things are, if you have your mother and sisters and brother to talk to, your mom across the street to make a meal for you, that kind of support, that’s what helped. I prayed a lot and depended on my family and we made it through.

Be And Choose An Employer That Respects Family Activities And Allows Flexibility In Work Schedule To Accommodate Them.

[Note from me: One thing I remember about my middle and high school days is that my mom or grandma or an aunt or uncle (or all of the above!) were always at my softball games and speech meets. Being a single working mom, I was curious how my mom was able to pull this off.]

I worked hard. My employers were parents too and loved seeing their kids’ events so allowed me to leave work in time to make it to my kids’ games and activities. I would go in early, or come back later that night after their events. Sometimes I was working Saturday nights or Sundays, even getting up at 4am to start the day. I was putting in extra hours but getting the time off when I needed to see their school activities.

To Bring Youthfulness Back To Your Days, Be Silly. See The World Like A Child.   

Being a nanny to my 1-year old granddaughter is a good memory of raising my own kids. It lets me spend quality time with her and, every day, see the joy in her face. I get to see what we adults forget to be, to be like a child. There is no struggle in her day to day. She is happy and willing to try silly things because she’s a baby. She hasn’t come to that point where she thinks she shouldn’t be silly anymore. It’s fun to watch her joy; it brings back a youthful joy to my days.

Be A Friend Or Sister Like Nancy.

My family has been a big support in my life. All my siblings have been helpful, but my sister Nancy has always been there for me. How many sisters go and buy you a brand new refrigerator because she knows you need it, without asking for a dime? Whenever I needed a fan hung, or something done around the house, Nancy offered to help me. Even with my move happening later this month, she’s already offered to come and help me get settled. To this day, she still treats me to a meal even though it’s not necessary. She always had the heart to take care of me during any struggles. We are like two peas in a pod, even though in some ways very different.

Tell The Women In Your Life How Amazing They Are Now… And Do It Often.

I had an experience about five years ago that shocked me. I was at a church event and one of my cousins came up to me and told me I reminded him of my grandma. He said, “You are a strong woman, and grandma was strong too. You’ve been through a lot and raised great kids.” It touched me because I had never been told I was strong.

Conclusion

My mom texted me shortly after the interview and said, “I shouldn’t have said no one has told me I’m strong. You’ve said that to me many times, but it took me by surprise when it came from my cousin.”

I tried to remember the last time I told my mom that she was strong and how much she means to me, but no instances came to mind. That means I probably don’t acknowledge the people in my life, especially those closest to me, often enough. I commit to changing that. I commit to telling the people I love why I love them more. And I commit to being specific, rather than general, in my acknowledgements so they bear more weight.

What do you commit to after reading Roxanne’s wisdom? Share in the comments below!

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