Stacy Bick Profile: Personal Space. Acceptance. Inspiration.

Meet Stacy Bick, 41 years old, the director of brand management for a global marketing and advertising agency and mother of 2 girls, ages 6 and 2. She’s the reason I established a habit of getting up at 5:15am most mornings to meditate and write. She’s who I go to when I need encouragement and real conversation. In fact, you’ll see that she pulled away all masks and hiding for this interview to show up authentically for all of us.

Stacy sheds light on coping with postpartum depression and her doubts as a mother. (I literally LOLed when she spoke of these doubts, as they are very similar to the ones that run through my head.) She shares a simple tool that gets her through the busiest of days and explains how she has shifted her perspective of failure. She discusses how childhood experiences have shaped her thinking, and how the realization of this has led to growth and strength. Stacy recently discovered that her life purpose is to inspire others; I guarantee her profile below will inspire you.

[Quoted words are Stacy’s, edited for context.]

Change can be renewing and refreshing.

“A great contribution to my life has been the ability and need for change. People get anxiety about it in my family but it feels renewing and refreshing to me. I have accepted my need for change and have always grown from my experiences. Change has shown up as moving cities and different ways of experiencing life.

I have been pretty independent. I went to college at Ohio University and went to grad school out in Colorado. I didn’t know a single soul. I found it exhilarating. I completed my master’s degree in one full calendar year. I put my nose to the ground and worked as a house mom for a sorority while there so I didn’t have a financial commitment.

When I lived in Colorado I was very connected to the mountains (and still am). They are my happy place. I see them and they move me to tears. I love the openness and vastness and sense of freedom, space, clarity, and peace.

From Colorado, I moved to Atlanta. I didn’t know a soul there either but went out there for my first job. I met a guy and after a long-distance relationship for a year, decided to move to the Reno/Lake Tahoe area to live with him. The relationship crumbled after two months but I stayed.”

Personal space is important for growth.

“There was no work there; I was just trying to make ends meet. On the weekends, I’d go hiking in Tahoe. I had a lot of personal time then. It was my first opportunity to have time to be alone. I had a couple close friends in Reno but looking back on it, it was my first experience for personal space and a new-found freedom being on my own.

I enjoyed it. I like personal space, I need personal space. I was OK with it. I didn’t realize it until now but that space was important for my personal growth. When I am moving so fast and just living day to day, I don’t go anywhere. I just move from Point A to Point B with no reflection about where I really want to be. That open space of my time there and of the mountains. I can feel it in my heart right now. That’s why it still holds a special place in my heart.”

Be open to possibility and opportunity to let your career grow.

“Ten months later, my former client, the University of Miami, asked, what are you doing there? Come here and work for us. At first, I declined. Then called them back and said I don’t know why I declined. I would be happy to have the job if you still wanted me.

So I moved to Coral Gables, FL, and became the director of marketing for athletic programs for UM. At that time I met Ronin Advertising Group as their client. Three years later, I realized that all the work Ronin did were the things that I loved and wanted to be doing, so eventually I went to work for them. I have been with Ronin since 2004 (though I left once to start my own fitness business venture and then again after the birth of my second child, Kyra.) With Ronin, I’ve lived in Miami, Pittsburgh, and now Naples, FL, is my home.”

Your life is yours to create!

“I am independent but still have a good, solid relationship with my husband. I’m financially independent, strong, capable, and know my strengths. I could survive alone if I had to. But I feel great love and peace in my relationship with Marc. I am proud of the life we’ve created.

I have a great job that I enjoy, even though I work hard. It’s not a 9 to 5 job that I walk away from. It’s always on my mind and vice versa, personal life seeps into my work. I still have a very balanced life and don’t have to miss a moment of my children’s life if I don’t want to.

The last two years I realized that I am not chained to my career, even though a lot of people feel a slave to their work or trapped. More so, it’s a sense of freedom and a place where I get to use skills I don’t have to when being mom or wife. It allows me to tap into my other strengths as a person.

I have been able to shape my job around my life. I think anyone is really capable of this if they have the right perspective. I am not sloughing off at work – it’s just the opposite. But, I have shaped my life to be where I want it to be and I keep work in check. There are things that I still want to do and accomplish, but if you look at the whole picture I am very happy. I am able to balance my family and work.”

Changing your perspective of failure will lessen the amount of fear you feel in your life. 

“I’ve let go of fear in most situations. I’ve let go of the fear of what would happen if I didn’t have this amazing job. But, I believe I am strong and know that I will come out on top. Fear of failure holds people back but I don’t have this. The moments where I have fallen short have only catapulted me to different places of growth. So, I don’t have fear of failure. It’s more often fear of missing out.

When I look at my job I think, it’s a career and I like my job but I am also a human being. I have purpose and I love being with my children and husband. I don’t have fear that if today I spend an hour with my kids during work time, I will lose my job. I let go of the fear and am empowered – it makes me a better employee, leader, mother and wife. I am a strong independent woman and I know I will come out on top.”

To define your purpose in life, uncover your greatest gift and what doesn’t feel like work.

“Over the last year I have done a lot of self-discovery and reflection on what I want in life, what kind of a footprint I want to leave on my children and the lives I touch in general. I was a part of a fitness competition and healthy mindset online group called Savage. They have personal development calls and they once asked, what is your greatest gift? What are you are really good at? What doesn’t feel like work? That’s what you should be doing in your life.

I couldn’t figure out what my purpose or my gift was at first. I love motivating people. But you can’t really motivate others because someone is either intrinsically motivated or not. If I look at the roles in my life: mom, wife, daughter, employee, leader in a company, entrepreneur with Rodan & Fields, a fitness instructor, there is a sense of creativity that I love. I started looking at all these roles and asked, what’s the common denominator? What brings me to want to take on these roles?”

I want to inspire.

“What came out of the discovery is that I want to inspire. At Rodan & Fields this looks like an opportunity to feel empowered. My leadership at Ronin allows me to inspire my team to new levels. There are no boundaries with the right mindset; we can create our own path. I want to inspire, to help people tap into what they want to do and create it. Leave fear aside, let’s create it! Like in my fitness business, I wanted to inspire people to live healthy lives.

Now I want to inspire people to their greatness. To do more and be more. To do something that is important to them. To make a change and live on their terms.

When I wake up in the morning I think, what’s one thing I can do to inspire others? It’s made me change how I lead my team at work (I recently did a leadership training for them.). It’s made me question how my actions will be perceived by my children. It’s made me change how I post on social media.”

To balance a full life, define and focus on only the 3 most important things that need to be done each day.

“When my plate is full, I do this, and tell my staff to do it too. I look at my day and decide what are the three things that need to be done today. Then that’s all I focus on. Everything else falls to the wayside. This spans across work, family, all of it. Even as much as I don’t like dirty dishes in the sink, they sometimes wait until my three things are accomplished.”

Start each day with personal space.

“I must have personal space in the day. What works best for me is a morning workout. It’s like meditation in motion for me. It allows me to clear my head and start fresh. It gives me space for creative expression and I can think better. I like to do it before anyone wakes up so there are no distractions.

I feel like I start my day off with a win. If I don’t do it I am anticipating it all day and feel like I haven’t put my best foot forward. Sometimes it’s hard to get my feet on the ground when my alarm goes off at 5am. Especially if I’ve had a little one wake me up three times in the middle of the night. But I do it so I can get my important personal space. It just makes me a better person with the ability to handle the day better.”

Add more acceptance into your life, rather than stress or blame.

[I asked Stacy, when the shit hits the fan, how do you deal?]

“I keep pushing forward. I accept that I am human and can only accomplish so much. But, I don’t stop because then everything around me will crumble and that’s worse. I re-shift my priorities and do my three things for the day.

And then I have acceptance. Acceptance that if I only accomplish 2 of my 3 things, it’s ok. I am going to be fine.

Acceptance is a big thing I have been working on. I accept that I can’t control the personality of a six-year-old girl. At my job, I accept that others work at a different pace than I do. I accept that I married a wonderful man that happens to have a job that keeps him on the road a lot. There is no blame or fault. No right or wrong. Just acceptance.”

Motherhood is a huge life change. Acceptance of that change will help you through.

“Growing up I said, I am going to be Superwoman. I want a career and a family and I’m going to have it all. It seemed completely doable at the time.

In the beginning, motherhood rocked me, much more so than I anticipated. I didn’t know it would be so hard. I didn’t know I would be so grateful and filled with so much love. And also mourn a life that I once led. A life where I was independent and had more freedom and time that is kept at bay now that I provide for others. My time is limited. I love love love my children. But I would be doing a disservice if I wasn’t honest saying that I didn’t mourn my previous life.

It was a huge shift. I had a lot of resistance to that change. Through Alexa’s first three years it was me learning acceptance. It’s not good or bad, just different. That was the most pivotal thing I learned about myself when I became a mom.”

Postpartum depression is real and hard. There are ways to cope.

“I had postpartum depression with Alexa. I did not medicate for it. I was nursing and that was more important for me. It was something instead that I had to work through.

For me it felt like a deep sense of sadness and emptiness and anxiety. It happened in pockets throughout the day. We were living in Pittsburgh so it was cold and snowy and I couldn’t go outside. I did feel connected to my daughter, but it was like someone took my life and shook it up like a snow globe. I also felt anxiety about my transition into motherhood.

In order to work through it I had to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It took one and a half years. I got through it without drugs by tapping into who I am and what’s important to me. I used exercise and the outdoors a lot. It was 10 degrees outside but I’d say to Marc, here’s the baby, I have to go outside. It was a big accomplishment for my soul to have overcome some of that emotion.”

Our children are our greatest teachers.  

“While I love my daughter Alexa to the depths of my soul, she is the only person on this earth that can rattle me to my core. Therefore, I know she is my greatest teacher in life. But it comes with many struggles between us and many truths about myself that I must face.  But she, a 6 year old, has taught her mama the importance of acceptance. Every situation is not a problem that needs to be solved.

And Kyra, well, she is my guide. I think she might be an angel here to guide me toward peace and happiness always. She teaches me to celebrate in silliness, how to slow down and appreciate the moment and not to rush it away. She is my constant light, showing me that joy can be found in anything. They both have taught me that love shows up differently. Recognize it, and then soak it up!”

Uncover what shapes your thinking and actions.

“A few months ago, I had a revelation about two situations in my life that have shaped me, and it gave me clarity on my reactions toward Alexa. They were two instances where people doubted me or told me I wasn’t good enough.

The first, in middle school, I asked my dad why I couldn’t play shortstop in softball. You are just not as good as she is, he told me of the girl playing shortstop. You will have to work harder than she does if you want to play that position.

This shaped my whole drive for life. Someone doubted me so I worked really hard to prove I could be a good softball player. I played varsity fast pitch softball in high school and was asked to walk on to my college team but declined.

The other instance is I wanted to go to Ohio University but I don’t test well. ABC is not how I work. I didn’t do well on my ACT or SAT so they declined my application. Ohio U was the only school I wanted to go to, my only choice. My parents called the university and they said we will accept her but we don’t think she will do well here. So I graduated with honors. Now, when someone doubts me, it drives me and gives me a sense of empowerment. I can be or do anything I want. Why should they tell me what I can or can’t do?

But this drive can also cause me to get defensive and angry. When people doubt me or don’t think I’m good enough I feel the need to overcompensate or overachieve in other areas of my life. When people doubt me, it’s like adding lighter fluid to my already burning fire.”

We get to choose how we respond to doubt.

“There is little that I lack confidence in, but I often doubt my abilities as a mother. I think, a good mother wouldn’t scream at her child. A good mother would be more patient. A good mother would want to play more. A good mother would have a kinder child. A good mother would have children who could sit down at a dinner table without getting up 10 times. A good mother would have children who appreciate the things they have in life. A good mother could help her six-year-old daughter overcome her struggles. A good mother would be able to accept her children the way they are.

My own doubt here is one big hot spot. When I feel that anyone else, specifically Alexa, echoes my doubts as a mom, my outlet is anger. I overdo. Or I act like a child.

I feel empowered having discovered this little secret about myself. I can be a witness to my patterns which is pretty amazing. I can now hold myself accountable. I can let go of resentment and blame in many areas of my life.

It’s a constant practice though. Oh, how I wish it was easy to shift 41 years of old behaviors. However, this awareness is allowing me to recognize more and more of these situations, which I know will help me shift them more each day.”

Perhaps our most important task in life is to inspire our own children.

“Motherhood has rocked me but my daughters are the two most important things in my life. I would do anything for them. I would move heaven and earth. When I say I want to inspire, I want to inspire them more than anyone else.

Sometimes I feel like they are too much of my life, meaning they are who I think about all the time. Marc and I even put our own personal space to the wayside because we put them first. They are my everything. I love them so much but the word “love” doesn’t even seem enough.”

There is meaning and opportunity when living in the moment.

“People describe me as a person that always needs to know what is next. But why can’t I just be cool with where I am now? I am learning to accept to live in the moment, where there is purpose and meaning. That’s a big reason that I went to India. It was an opportunity that was here, so why not take it?

I feel the need to continue connecting to my life purpose to inspire. I know there is some kind of energy for me behind this, but I don’t know what the next step is yet.”

Without risk there is nothing gained.

“Someone gave this poem to me in grad school and I’ve carried it in my wallet for years. It basically says without risk there is nothing gained. I use it all the time. It’s like my own personal mantra. I use it as a mother and an employee and to inspire others.”

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Now, your turn to be real! Where can you add more acceptance in your life? What do your children teach you? Have you created the career and life you want? How will you inspire others? Please share in the comments below!

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