The Career Mistake Many Working Moms Make

I’ve seen it many times. A woman has a baby or two. There’s less time for her partner, less time for her well-being, and less time for her career. Everything starts to shift. It usually happens in small, practically unnoticeable changes over the course of several years until all of a sudden something happens – like a health scare, a financial misstep, a wake-up conversation with her child’s preschool teacher, a failed work project, an emotional breakdown, an affair. She looks at her life and asks, “What the hell is going on?”

Instead of staying on this path of inquiry to truly understand what is going on, she falls prey to society’s long-placed but false belief that working moms have to choose either a big career or being present with their family. So she blames all that has unraveled over the past years on her job.

Naturally, her next step is to change the job, as she believes it will fix everything. She doesn’t raise her hand for the promotion she clearly deserves and chooses to stay in the comfortable spot she’s at which is predictable, but with capped income growth potential. Or she goes down to working part-time (which studies have shown ends up looking more like getting paid part-time salary for completing full-time work – now with more pressure due to less scheduled hours). Or she changes jobs completely, to a position that seems like it will alleviate her challenges and pressures.

That’s what I did. But I learned, “wherever you go, there you are.”

I quit my conference producer job in 2011 because I was stressed and burnt out. My marriage was rocky and my confidence was low. I decided to teach yoga and manage marketing and events for my local yoga studio because I thought a more Zen-like job in line with my passions would help me feel more balanced. Instead I found myself just as stressed and unfulfilled – but with a much smaller paycheck.

This made me realize that is wasn’t my job that needed an overhaul, it was me. I was the common denominator.

Upon this realization, I dived into personal growth work and mindfulness study. I worked with a couple’s therapist and a life coach. I shined a light on parts of my past that were still impacting my present. I changed. My marriage changed. My perspective changed.

In this new light, I saw that I truly did enjoy my past work as a conference producer. So in 2013, I started back with the same company I had left two years prior… this time, having a lot more fun while exceeding goals with a lot more ease.

Too many women take the detour with their career and never come back. They never fulfill their potential. They never earn as much as they are worth or realize their value. And the cycle repeats itself generation upon generation, daughters following in their mothers’ footsteps.

Now, I am not saying a job or position change is never the answer, because sometimes it is the right path for us. What I am asking is for women to start by connecting with their true self and inner strength. To find out what’s blocking them and holding them back. To heal emotional wounds from the past and get clear on what they want for their future. I am asking women to do their own work first, to take care of themselves, rather than seeking peace in a new job, a new spouse, or a new city. Because “wherever you go, there you are.”

I can tell you there is a different way. I experienced it myself. I have a thriving career and am an incredible mother. We CAN have both.

Here’s to falling deeply, madly in love with your self!

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